The First Fifteen Years
by kaci77
Summary: Post-Mockingjay. Katniss and Peeta moments from the epilogue in more detail. My version of events, M for later chapter!
1. Tenth Anniversary

_"_ _But his arms are there to comfort me. And eventually his lips. On the night I feel that thing again, the hunger... Only Peeta can give me that. So after, when he whispers, "You love me. Real or not real?" I tell him, "Real." "_

 _"_ _It took...fifteen years for me to agree. But Peeta wanted them so badly. "_

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It's the night of our 10th year wedding anniversary, and I know the question Peeta is going to ask me.

We got married when we were twenty-three. I have not only told him the numerous reasons I decided early on that I would never want children because of their seemingly horrible future, but I have also used the excuse of not being prepared because we were too young. Peeta knew that I never wanted children, and I knew that he had always wanted children, so we tended to avoid the subject all together.

Well, now that we are both thirty-three Peeta has gotten more desperate, and frankly, I'm running out of excuses. District twelve has been successfully rebuilt and restructured, and there are almost no remnants of the old Panem. I still have nightmares sometimes and Peeta suffers from flashbacks occasionally, but we help each other fight it. The book we started all those years ago helps too.

Our friends, or really just the people we talk to, took the two of us out to dinner to celebrate. My mother, Haymitch, Plutarch, Annie, Johanna, Beetee, and Greasy Sae's granddaughter. Greasy Sae died about five years ago now, but her granddaughter reminds me of Prim, and we are friends. Annie brought her son. He's a teenager now, and looks just like Finnick. When he was born, Annie asked Peeta and me if we would like to be his godparents. We hesitantly agreed. We didn't think, in fact, I still don't think, we were the most qualified. There's been pressure for us to have kids because of our godson, but he's also another excuse I give. Now that he's older though, he doesn't ask for as much advice and doesn't need as much attention. Another excuse that is now no longer valid. Gale did not attend the dinner. Although him, his wife and their four kids did send a card.

It's funny, we "keep in touch", but I haven't seen him in person for ten years now. Dinner ran fairly smoothly. I always brace myself for the discussion of children, but it seemed that everyone had finally come to terms with the fact that it wasn't going to happen. That is, until Plutarch brought it up with one of his stupid jokes that only he thinks are amusing. I gave him a very angry glance, and he seemed to get the message. However, my mother jumped on board about how she wished she could have grandchildren, and is worried that she never will, now that we've been married ten years. Peeta glanced at me, and said calmly: "we just don't feel...ready..." Yeah, that sounded really honest coming from Peeta's mouth.

"Ready?!" My mother retorted, "you've been married for ten years!"

"That's enough mother" I snapped. So she shut up. Johanna, however, whispered to me in a voice that everyone could hear:

"Katniss, if something is erm...wrong with either of you down there; well...they have doctors now that can fix that...if you're having trouble conceiving or something…"

"We're not given trying!" I responded.

"Ok". I felt bad because I knew that maybe she was actually being honest and trying to help. Anyway, that was the end of the discussion for the night. We thanked everyone for coming, and once everyone left, we started the walk home. Peeta held his hand in mine and we walked down the lane followed by Haymitch to our houses in what used to be the Victor's Village. It's not called that anymore though. All of the houses are full, and it's not lonely or quiet anymore. Haymitch still lives next door though, with his geese.

We help drunken Haymitch into his house while he says to Peeta, "have fun...although, close your window, nobody in this neighborhood wants to hear that". Peeta rolls his eyes. All I can do is sigh, and we go next door to our house.

When Peeta's rattling with the keys to open our front door, I notice something odd. A small sheen of sweat has broken on his brow. I know Peeta better than anyone- Why is he nervous?

"Peeta? What's wrong?"

"Huh? Oh, a...nothing", he states, wiping the sweat away with his sleeve.

"I know something is…" still nothing, "so don't lie to me".

"Ok...Fine". Peeta opens our door and we make our way into the living room to sit down. "I...I want to make love to you tonight." This doesn't come as a shock. We have sex fairly frequently. Admittedly, less frequently as the years have come and gone, but still. I nod to tell him to continue. "Except this time... I want to ask for your permission to not use protection, to not take the pill". A groan escapes me. "I'm sorry". He adds quickly, "if you still don't want to, I understand. ...It's just that…what they said at dinner is true, soon we'll be too old, and I don't want you to…regret it...". He whispers those last words while looking down at his lap.

"I know", I reply honestly, "I was expecting you to ask me, so...here's my answer". I pause and tilt his chin up so he looks at me. "Yes" I exhale. He raises an eyebrow.

"Yes to no protection?"

"No protection, no pill" I reinstate. He automatically leans in to kiss me, a long sweet kiss. He breaks away just to be sure.

"You want to make a baby with me tonight…Real or not real?" And just like when he asked if I loved him, there is no hesitation when I answer "Real". A smile so beautiful spreads on his face, Peeta's smile that I love so much, and I find myself grinning too. He tenderly takes my hand and we go upstairs.


	2. Growing Back Together

I still remember our wedding night, the first time we actually had sex. I know, I know, seems kinda unrealistic, huh? Oh, believe me; we had gotten dangerously close before. The first time was when I answered Peeta's question of "You love me. Real or not real?" with "Real." It had been two years since we had moved back to District 12, and when I look back on it now, I feel so stupid that it took me that long to tell him. But, you have to understand, I was so messed up, and he was so messed up, and I just wanted to be sure that it was real, that it wasn't just out of lust, or security, or want, or anything else, but out of need. My need to be with Peeta every day for the rest of my life. It took two years to really admit that to myself and to him, because what I needed was the dandelion in the spring, the hope that life is worth living and that every day can be good.

I was feeling particularly brave that day, and I decided that now I've told Peeta that I did love him, there was something I wanted to ask him. So I said: "Peeta, do you want to move in here? Into this house? …With me?" Peeta just kind of stood there with his mouth slightly open. "I mean," I continued, "you spend most nights here now anyway, might as well make it official…"

"Yeah…uh yes, yes I would love that", he answered. His answer seemed offbeat, and I suddenly realized that maybe he didn't like the idea.

"Only if you want to…I don't want you to feel pressured, because I can understand if you want your own space or-". Peeta's kiss stopped me from continuing.

"No, no Katniss. It's probably the best thing you've ever asked me…it's just been a lot today for me to take in," he laughed. So once he had finished moving the last couple of his items into our house, it wasn't long before we found ourselves in our underwear and on the bed. Peeta was about to unhook my bra when he stopped himself. "Katniss…I can't". I looked up at him, confused. "I just, I don't want to rush into this too fast and I want it to be real and I want both of us to be sure that we're ready, and…." He stopped to look at me and smoothed his thumb over my cheek, "and I'm still afraid I might hurt you". I nodded.

"I understand" I told him. And I did. After all, it had taken me this long to tell him that I loved him. Maybe he was right. Peeta was always the more levelheaded one anyway. So we settled for some light kisses before falling asleep together.

The second time we got close was the night when he proposed, and I finally said yes. Peeta first proposed a year after he moved in. But, honestly, I was terrified of becoming a wife, because I knew that that entailed becoming a mother, and I didn't think I would ever want or be ready for that, while I knew that Peeta would be. So, it took me two years after the first proposal for me to agree, our fourth year back in 12. I finally had to tell Peeta the reason why I had been refusing him, and that was because he deserved someone who would give him children, because I knew that's what he wanted, and something I didn't. But then Peeta told me that although, yes, he did want children, he wouldn't want children unless they were with me and unless I wanted them too. This is what made me finally agree, to know that Peeta wanted to get married because he loved me, even though he knew I didn't want kids.

Since that first proposal Peeta and I had done everything except actual sex. We had done all sorts of foreplay, oral sex, and the like, but we had always stopped before sexual intercourse. That night though, Peeta and I had taken our time and we both knew we were ready. "Katniss," Peeta strained out.

"Peeta," I panted in reply.

"Katniss, would it be ok…if we waited?" Where did that come from? I stopped kissing his shoulder and looked up at him.

"Umm…why?" There wasn't a reason on earth that I could think of that explained why we shouldn't have sex.

"I…want to wait until our wedding night. Then we can make love as husband and wife…and it can really be real, and-" I stopped him by placing my finger on his lips.

"Okay, if that's what you want" I said. Peeta breathed a sigh of relief, and rolled off of me, landing by my side. Truth be told, I was proud of Peeta for standing up for what he believed. I realized the reason I was most surprised that he stopped is because he almost always gives into my needs. I mean, obviously he had stopped that one time before, but since then we've done so much, but I think we both knew that we had to take baby steps. Although, I was ready this time, but this time he did what he wanted, not what I wanted, and I was proud of him because of that. Besides, if we were going to be married, I would have to respect what he wanted too. But I couldn't help but wonder why he felt so strongly about waiting until our wedding night. "Peeta?"

"Hmm?"

"If you don't mind me asking…why? Why do you want to wait until our wedding night? I mean, I know what you told me, and I agree, but…?" I felt like there was a reason Peeta hadn't told me.

"Oh," he replied, "Well…I promised my dad." I rolled over onto my side to face him. I wanted to hear the story behind this. Peeta chuckled to himself. "I was my Dad's favourite son. He never told me, I just kind of knew. I adored him. I would do anything he told me to do. And…well, it was a few days before the reeping actually, when I commented on one of my older brothers not coming home the night before. He looked me straight in the eye and said: "Son, I made your brothers promise me that they wouldn't have sex before they were married. They broke that promise. Now, I want you to promise your old man the same, but I want you to follow through and keep your word. Do you promise me that?" And I told him that I did promise him. "That's my boy" he said, and he carried on about how sex was something too intimate, too personal to share between anyone other than husband and wife, and, at the time I just thought it was an awkward father son talk, but now I see what he meant, and…and, I don't know…I feel like I owe it to him to keep my promise, you know?" It was then that Peeta stopped reliving the memory and glanced sideways at me. I lunged forward and took him into my embrace.

"That is the sweetest and most genuine thing I've ever heard," I kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Thank you for understanding" he answered. So, because of that, I promised myself I would honour his request…and I did.


	3. Five Years: A Wedding

The wedding had gone off without a hitch. Sure, Haymitch was a bit drunk, Johanna was complaining a little, but we had expected the like. It was an intimate, small ceremony and party. I wore a white dress that Cinna had previously designed, but that had not been worn before. It was so beautiful, and I felt so lucky that a part of Cinna could be in our wedding. Peeta surprised me by decorating our cake. We did the toasting. I'll be honest, I was nervous about marrying Peeta. Was it too soon? Had we given ourselves enough time to heal? Was I in love with Peeta? Did a part of me still love Gale? It was the toasting, however, that made me realize that I was always going to marry Peeta. Him, the boy with the bread. Me, the girl on fire. The District 12 tradition that marriage was symbolized by the burning of bread, the toasting. Peeta loved my whole being, and I loved him with all my heart. We needed each other in every way possible. The wedding was perfect.

But when we got to our house, anxiety kicked in. Peeta closed our front door, and smiled at me. He led me upstairs, hand in hand, and into the bedroom. He was so gentle and patient. It was both of our first times, yet he didn't seem nervous at all. He kept making sure that I was ok, that I was comfortable. Right before Peeta entered me though, I remembered something. "Stop!" I screamed. This shook him up a little but he did.

"Oh…ok"

"No, no, I'm sorry; I just forgot that I have to take this." I reached over to my bedside table and showed him the little white contraceptive pill. "Oh" he realized. I took it, and I've taken one every time since. The pill works instantly, and it's how I've managed to not get pregnant all these years. The sex was better than I had ever imagined. After we had finished, he kissed me sweetly on the head, told me he loved me, and we fell asleep in each other's arms. Since then, sex has become so important to us, and our marriage. It sounds cliché, I know, but it's true. It's served as our sanctuary from the outside world and from our past. It's helped us heal.

So why is Peeta nervous now, ten years later, as if it's our wedding night?

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 **Sorry for the short chapter! Hope you're enjoying my take on events so far, as always please favorite and/or review!**


	4. Fifteen Years

**This chapter is rated M for explicit sex. Skip to the next chapter if you don't want to read!**

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Peeta fumbles around with things, tries to take off his jacket, and knocks over picture frames-scrambling to find something. "Hey, Peeta"

"Hmm...?"

"What are you looking for?" I tease.

"This" he reaches down into a small chest and pulls out a pearl. The pearl he gave me on the beach. The pearl I thought he had forgotten about, that he didn't know about. I used to play with it, kiss it when he was still hijacked and even when we first started dating to remind me that the old Peeta was still there. That I could find him. And I did find him, the boy with the bread, the dandelion in spring. I thought he never took notice, but I was obviously wrong.

"You don't think I remember when I gave you this, on the beach, in the quarter quell" he smiles, "but I do". I'm sitting on our bed, waiting for him to explain. "It was the first kiss that told me you loved me". Yes, the first real kiss that ignited the fire in me. "Well, I kept seeing you with it, and..." He looks up from the pearl and into my eyes "that's how I knew that you loved me. It's why our wedding rings have pearls, instead of diamonds" he chuckles.

"Oh Peeta" I sigh. I get off of the bed, put my arms around his neck and take him into a deep kiss. "Thank you".

"Of course"

"No Peeta, I mean it. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be alive, you saved me. Thank you for loving me when no one else could, thank you for staying with me, trusting me, not giving up on me, -". His kiss interrupts me.

"Always" he simply replies. Tears come to my eyes, and Haymitch was right- I could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him.

"Peeta?"

"Yes?" My mind turns to other things, courtesy of his kisses. "I want..." How do I say this to my husband? "Do you remember our wedding night?"

"How could I forget? It was our first time"

"Okay, well I don't want that tonight. Well, I mean...it was our first time so that was great but...I want tonight to be the best sex we've ever had." Peeta raises an eyebrow. "I...don't want you to hold back. I want something...different." He's still confused. "I don't want you to be gentle. I want you to be rough and heavy and...hot...?" God I sound stupid. Peeta nods.

"You want me to fuck you" he says matter of factly.

"Yes" I smile, "with passion!" I add and start to giggle. Believe it or not, Peeta and I don't talk this way to each other often. I think he's always afraid of getting too rough with me because he doesn't want to hurt me. Yep, after all this time, it's still a touchy subject for him, and I understand that. So, mostly, we make love, we don't fuck each other. And that's fine, but in the few times over the years that it has gotten rough it's been…well amazing actually.

"Okay then". Peeta grabs hold of me and kisses me so hard that I'm taken aback and a small squeak escapes my lips. He pulls back. "Oh my god, I hurt you"

"No Peeta". I laugh, "This is what I mean. I love your gentleness, but I don't want that tonight. I'll let you know if you hurt me". Peeta gulps and nods.

"Okay". He kisses me the same way and I groan into his mouth. I see him raise an eyebrow and I nod in pleasure. We close our eyes again and open our mouths. Our tongues wrestle each other for dominance. Damn this kiss is hot. I already feel the yearning in my core, and I can tell Peeta feels it too. "Shit" he breaks away.

"What?"

"That was really...hot" he smiles.

"Peeta…you know I love it when you swear", I tease him seductively. His smile fades and is replaced by the look of pure lust. Damn, he's making me wet just by staring at me. We kiss again, and I go weak in the knees, so he brings us over to the bed. He kisses my neck while taking off my shirt. I kiss behind his earlobe when I take off his, and can tell that if he wasn't aroused already, he is now. He pulls me back onto the bed and manages to unclasp my bra. There is a hunger in his eyes that I rarely get to see. It turns me on. He kneads my breasts as if they were dough that he was preparing for a loaf of bread. "Oh god" I stammer "Yess Peeta" he smirks and continues on one side while he sucks and tugs at the other with his mouth. I start to pant. He switches sides. "Uhh". My nipples are up and I can tell he's done for now.

"My turn" I flip him effortlessly, and he is surprised, but I know that my dominance turns him on. I straddle him and kiss all the way down his torso until I reach his belt, and then turn back around. He whimpers in disappointment. I then un-buckle his belt and throw it aside, undo his fly, and strip off his pants. Now he's left in his boxers. I tease with these-take the elastic in my teeth and drag them off of him, finally freeing his erection. The sight of him makes my wetness grow. "I love it when you're hard" I purr. He grins and then I turn my attention to where he so desperately wants me to touch him. I slowly lick around the tip of his shaft, and I can hear him trying so hard not to make a sound. "It's ok Peeta, say what you want" I whisper seductively. I now lick up and down the side while I play with his balls in my hand.

"Ermm" he groans. Then I take his whole length in my mouth and bob up and down. "OH yes...yes…fuck yes Katniss!". We rarely have oral, not like this anyway. "Shit, faster, faster!" I meet his demands. "Fuck-I...I'm going to cum".

"Will you have some left?"

"Yes, yes...at the rate you're going". So sure enough he cums into my mouth. I can't swallow though, no matter how hard I try, so I spit it into the waste paper basket next to our bed. I do like the taste of him though. He's still panting on the bed when he says: "Katniss...I forgot you could do that" "Mmm-hmm" I reply.

"Okay...payback". He flips me over so he's on top. He sees my nipples aren't up anymore and fixes that with more of the kneading, and I get even wetter down there, if that's possible. Satisfied, he takes off my pants and then runs his hand over my heat through my underwear.

"Peeta", I complain, so he takes off my underwear. Then he surprises me by crawling down the bed. Normally, he just fingers me, he doesn't eat me out. But this time he does. It feels so good. "Ohh yes Peeta...yes". His tongue feels amazing in my folds and I know he likes the taste. I handle my breasts while he continues. He sees, and this turns him on.

"God your wet, really wet" he murmurs. He then inserts a finger.

"Ahh..." I love it when he fingers me. He knows my body so well, knows exactly where my g spot is and how I like him to touch my clit. He inserts another and finds my g spot instantly. "Oh...Peeeeeta". He inserts a third finger. "Yes!" My hips are bucking into him involuntarily. At this point, Peeta normally asks me if I'm ready, because he knows I don't like to come unless he's in me, but right now he just keeps going. "Peeta...I'm ready". He continues. Did he not hear me? "Peeta? I need you now! ...please...?" He looks up at me, smirks and continues. "Peeta!" I scream in frustration.

"Talk dirty to me...beg me", he replies.

"Peeta- I need to have you inside me right now so you can fuck me hot and heavy and hard and...And, and shit Peeta I thought you wanted to make a baby!" He gives me a disapproving look. "Peeta FUCK ME RIGHT NOW! Pleeeeasee!" I scream in desperation.

"Fine" he smirks, "I think Haymitch probably heard that, even with the window closed", and slides out his fingers. He smiles and kisses me long and tenderly. "Are you sure? No pill?" He asks.

"Peeta ...I'm sure. I'm just as sure about this as I am that I love you more than anything else in the world. ...Now please just fuck me so we can make our baby" He smiles and slides his cock into me slowly; we both exhale out of mercy. "Arhh"

"Oh my god you're tight". He starts off slowly. I wrap my legs around him so he can go deeper. But he's teasing me again.

"Peeta…faster, harder, deeeper". So he complies and fucks me to the hilt. I start to thrust back. "Oh my god. Peeta...Peeta fuck me!" He starts going faster and harder.

"Shiiit...Katnissss".

"Arhh. Ohhh. Ohhhh".

"I'm waiting for you darling." He starts palming my boobs.

"My clit" I gasp. He reaches one hand down there. "Ohhh, yes right there...ohh yesssss Peeta! Yess, yes". I'm almost there. "I'm gonna...gonna".

"Scream my name baby, come for me".

"PEEEEETTAA!" My orgasm shakes me so hard, and I tighten around him. A few more desperate thrusts and Peeta comes:

"Katnissss!" I feel his seed fill me and realize we might have just made a baby. Peeta collapses on top of me. "We did it". He smiles.

"Yeah...not to mention...best sex ever?" I ask.

"Definitely". He pulls out of me rolls over, and we spoon, holding hands. "Happy Anniversary. I love you Katniss".

"I love you too Peeta".

"Thank you".

"Always" I reply.


	5. Fear and Joy

...

I haven't told Peeta, but I have most certainly missed my period this month. Then, this morning, I threw up. Peeta was in town at the bakery already, so he doesn't know. It's been about three weeks since I first agreed to try, three weeks since our anniversary. I feel certain that I must be pregnant. Peeta's still working, but if I go into town now, I'll be able to buy a test and be home before he is.

I walk out of our house and start the short journey to town. The drug store is mostly empty, which is good, because I want to keep this a secret, the last thing I need is people seeing me. I find the tests, and pick up two different ones, just to be sure. I head to the self-checkout, and I don't think I've been spotted, when Johanna walks up behind me. "Hey Katniss, I was wondering..." She sees the tests and raises an eyebrow. I'm about to object when she puts a finger on my lips: "don't worry" she whispers, "your secret's safe with me". She smiles and walks out of the store...actually she's not just walking, she's got a skip in her step. Johanna Mason-unbearable to most, but the best friend I think I've ever had.

I pay for the tests and hurry home. I choose the test in the pink box first. I read the directions, pee, set it aside, and take the second test. When I'm done I put it by the first test and leave the room. I try to busy myself with chores, but I can't stop thinking about what the result will be. Right when time is up and I'm going back to the bathroom to get the results, Peeta walks in the door. He sees me, "Hey Katniss", kisses me. I try to hide the edge in my voice, but it clearly shows.

"Why are you home early?"

"Johanna came to the bakery and said she saw you in town. I thought I'd come home and surprise you. Is everything ok?"

"Is that all she told you?!"

"Yes...? What's wrong?" A deep look of concern shadows his face.

"Oh". He doesn't know yet. I don't want to disappoint him in case the tests are negative. "Oh, it's nothing... I'm just going to..." Why would I need to go in the bathroom? "...clean the bathroom. You should probably change..." I glance at his floury apron.

"Oh...ok". He heads upstairs, but I know he's suspicious. I rush into the bathroom, and lock the door. Then I brace myself and turn around. The first one is positive, the second one is...positive. Oh my god...I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm…pregnant. I'm going to be a mother. Peeta is going to be a father. We're going to have a child, a baby. I start to cry. I can't help it. Happy, confused, excited, scared tears. Peeta hears because he's knocking on the door: "Katniss? What's wrong? What is it? Open the door".

"Peeta...nothing's wrong" I croak.

"Then why are you crying? Please open the door". I grab the tests and unlock and open the door. He's standing there with an adorable look of worry on his face. Then he sees the tests that I'm gripping on to. "Are you...?" He asks, not finishing the obvious question because of the hope that suddenly floods into him.

I nod, tears flowing down my cheeks, and smiling I manage to say: "Both positive". Peeta embraces me and we stay locked in each other's arms. He then kisses me. Looks at me and starts crying.

"Tears of joy" he quickly explains. Then he becomes uneasy: "yours?"

I cry/laugh: "The same". And he hugs me in close again. "Thank you Katniss. I love you so much"

"I love you too Peeta"

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 **Hope you enjoyed! Please review and let me know what you think!**


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